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The Battle for Mommy (Part One of The War for Attention)
Posted by Jeff on December 24, 2007 142 views Comments (View Comments)It’s Sunday morning, two days before Christmas and right now the one thought going through my head is “did anyone buy me the Bose QuietComfort 3 Noise Canceling Headphones”? (Oh please let there be a Santa!)
For those of you just finding my blog, I have two children. A son, “Boo” age 3, and a daughter, “K-Bop” 16 months.
I woke up with the kids at 6am and all things were going pretty smooth. K-Bop was up first and then Boo came down about 20 minutes later. I thought, “What the Hell, let’s give Mommy a much deserved ‘Sleep in Day’”, so I had Daddy time with both kids from 6am until about 8am. I would have to say that this was one of the best weekend mornings for a while. Both kids seemed to play well together and even play independently too! We mostly colored or Boo following paths and mazes in his activity books. I had a mix of kids music playing in the background. Maybe this was the key to my 2 hours of success?? They love kid music and I could deal with another listening of “Old MacDonald” and “Itsy Bitsy Spider” if it kept them good natured.
Ok I can’t say EVERYTHING was good, K-Bop did have a short crying outburst because she couldn’t figure out if she wanted to color standing up or sitting down or sitting down on my lap.
So now let’s discuss the “Battle for Mommy”.
Just before 8am my wife came downstairs and I went up to take care of a few things. I could immediately start to hear Boo whining and K-Bop crying. Is this how sibling rivalries start!? My wife was also quick to burst out “quiet, no more whining” or something to that effect. She is usually pretty calm around the kids but this morning was different. Both kids are demanding her attention, K-Bop just wants to be either picked up or her juice cup. Boo just wants whatever our daughter is getting at the time. (He’s also started with the baby-talk babbling to get more attention) If he doesn’t get what she is getting then he freaks out, gets upset and starts to do things to get Mommy’s attention.
So is this normal behavior?
This passive-aggressive behavior might be attention-getting. Or it just might be a way of saying, “I’m angry that I don’t get all the attention anymore.” Or, “Mom and dad, notice me!”
Anyway, my general rule for dealing with much of the behavior of toddlers (the boy is a bit past the toddler stage, but he’s acting like one) is to ignore all behavior that is minor, irritating and annoying (that will thus cover about 98% of the behaviors most nannies and parents are concerned about). However, when a child has complied or done something worth noting, then there should be praise and attention. In other words, don’t give attention for bad behaviors — just good behaviors.With toddlers and preschoolers waiting them out can be an important technique. That is, a child dumps his toys on the floor and then refuses to pick them up. Tell him he has to pick them up and then wait. He’s not allowed to go off and do anything else until the toys are picked up. But while you’re waiting, you just ignore all his attempts to upset you or make you frustrated. Eventually, before any other play or anything fun happens, the toys have to be picked up. The only problem is that many parents, particularly those who are busy and demanding, have very little patience. So, they end up threatening, demanding or punishing. That defeats the whole purpose of this approach. Taken from en.allexperts.com/q/Parenting-Toddlers-Infants-2066/3-year-old-attention.htm
