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Is Your Preschooler Stubborn, Frustrating and Rebellious
Posted by Jeff on March 23, 2008 704 views Comments (View Comments)“Autonomy is the independence a toddler strives for from caregivers. Toddlers’ autonomous behavior is a way of forming their own identity away from their caregivers” (Bigner, 2006). This stage is a time where a toddler has the “will” to become independent.
Most parents of toddlers and preschoolers start to experience their child’s attempts at autonomy between their second and third birthdays. At least this is true with our son, Boo. It’s this autonomous actions that make your child out to seem stubborn, frustrating and often times rebellious but in reality they are just learning that they have independence and are an individual. I am having a difficult time dealing with this period in his growth and development. I am looking for a way to better deal with things so I don’t get so anxious, tense and downright grumpy when he’s being defiant. I guess from all that I read he’s just trying to learn to be himself and wants to take most situations into his own hands and deal with them in his methods and ways.
One article I found was here on Positive Parenting.
When parents react by overpowering children, they cause them to feel powerless. Since all humans strive to feel powerful, the overpowered child may react to his or her feelings of powerlessness by either fight or flight – either giving in and letting others make all the decisions and maintain all control or fighting to seek power through rebellious and destructive behaviors. Parents who can shift to seeing their child’s struggle for power as a positive sign can find useful ways for the child to feel powerful and valuable and deal with power struggles in ways that reduce fighting and create cooperative relationships that empower both the child and the parents.
Some other quick tips I learned from reading the above article.
Giving choices to your child seems like a simple thing to do. Guess again. Dads, there are rules to doing this. You can’t just do this:
When giving children choices, parents must be sure that all choices are acceptable. Don’t give your child the choice of either sitting down quietly or leaving the restaurant if you have no intention of leaving.
One last tip,
Find Useful Ways for your Child to be Powerful
Whenever you find yourself in the middle of a power struggle with your child, ask yourself, “How can I give my child more power in this situation?” One mother asked herself this question concerning an endless battle she was having with her son about buckling his seat belt. Her solution was that she made him boss of the seat belts – it became his job to see that everyone was safely secured. The power struggle ended.
Lastly here is a book that I found online called How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will, Too!
It is written for parents or anyone who works with children and families, this highly recommended book explains how to be consistent, manage anger, prevent arguments and power struggles, and teach children to listen–the first time.
