Why My Kids Want Mommy So Much?

Posted by Toolbox Dad on July 1, 2008

Well this isn’t probably too much of a shocker to most married couples with young children. What is with a "mommy " that the kids love that they need to cling to her and almost smother her, leaving me the poor old lonely Dad?  For instance, I used to be the bedtime "go to" parent for both my son (about a year ago) and my daughter up until about 3 weeks ago.  She’s going on two this August and our son will be four in October. Why had my daughter decided she wants MOMMY for bedtime. This really puts me in a bind because I would love to read books to my kids, especially if there are no "power struggles" or meltdowns at bedtime.But like I mentioned, lately, both kids want mommy.  It’s ME that makes the funny voices and sing silly songs about the day to them, so why do they chose her over me?

Maybe because I’m the disciplinarian in the house. Might be because I try to be more strict . Probably because my wife enjoys having fun where I tend to worry about the next meltdown or what "might" transpire if the kids aren’t in bed by 8pm.  So I guess it’s natural for them to gravitate to the one parent that has open arms all the time. But then that creates additional stress in the house, where my wife doesn’t get any "downtime" to herself like I do if she’s doing both bedtime routines.

Now don’t get me wrong. I would LOVE to read books and do the bedtime thing, I have this ritual with my daughter where we read a few books then as I put her into the crib we wave goodnight to the butterfly decals on her wall, then give BIG KISSES, then Eskimo Kisses, then BIG HUGS. Then up until about a month ago, she would immediately fall asleep.  Now since she is almost 2 yo she is beginning to realize we are leaving her alone in her room. Tonight was a battle with her. She really wanted Mommy. It’s the 2 year old thing, the sense of losing a parent. 

"HEY WHAT ABOUT ME IN THE CORNER!!!  I’m over here sweety!!"  those were my thoughts. I tried everything in my ‘toolbox’ that I could think up, dancing like a weirdo, sticking things on my head, begining to read a book to try and lure her over, hugging her…none of those things worked.  Probably actually SCARED her more with me dancing with a book on my head shaking a maracca. And that image is no doubt scarying some of you right now!  Do you know what worked? Me saying, "alright, Daddy going to read book to you, or Daddy go downstairs now!" (yes i do talk to her like that sometimes so she understands better).  She did. She said, "Go Daddy" and stopped crying for Mommy.  Hmmm, I think she thought I was going to get Mommy. Wrong! I stood outside the door for a bit and then she started back up sounding almost like a firetruck, "Moooommmmyyyy, mommmmyyyy,  mmmoommmm —daaaaaadddy", I flew into her room in a flash when I heard my name.  I wanted to reassure her that I was there. So then all was good and quiet, she no longer NEEDED Mommy and settled into the chair for a book and BIG KISSES then to bed!

As for my son, well I did get to convince him to let me read a book on Sunday night. It was a compromise that I read the first book then Mommy would come in. That seems to work for him, unless he’s so tired and fighting sleep.  Anyway, we had a great time. He enjoyed it and so did I, but he still puts up a fight — which I don’t want to make a war — when it’s bedtime and I say, "Hey buddy, Daddy is ready to take you upstairs."  "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I WANT MOMMY!!!!!", is what he screams, "You can put me to bed tomorrow."  Well you know what happens tomorrow???  Yup, you guessed it, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I WANT MOMMY!"

And I remind him, "But you said tonight was Daddy’s bedtime night."

"No, you do tomorrow!"

Oh boy, I see the pattern and tomorrow never comes!  But some nights I can get him to "permit" one story and then we have a great time together. Like Sunday night when I was reading him a  book I snuck one hand under his blanket and tickled his belly. He giggled and said, "Hey Daddy, you tickled me!"

"No I didn’t, see…my hand is right here!" I replied, showing him the one hand holding the book, the other still under the covers.

"Um Daddy, your OTHER hand," he chuckled. So i slid the hand out and showed him both, then continued to read a book and did the same thing over. He was laughing and that makes every minute reading him a book that much more enjoyable.  So after the book I told him to TELL me a story. "He bud, why don’t you tell me the story of the Three Little Pigs"  It was sooooo cool, he started it out and told it pretty darn good for his age. It was cute. Had each house built correctly and in order,  "Straw, sticks, bricks". That was great!

So in the end, is this stuff common? Like do other kids like and crave one parent over the other?  Is it a phase? Am I a weird Dad?

Hopefully it’s a common thing and a phase that will pass because right now it makes me feel incapable of being a good father and I know that I do have some flaws, hey don’t we all!!??