I’m Living a Groundhog’s Day

Posted by Jeff on February 7, 2009

Good God, kids have so much energy. They don’t stop moving, squirming, or fussing. And mostly, they never tire out and want to fall asleep at night. If you don’t know, my children are 4 and 2 1/2…so you know how things are going if you have similar ages.

Right, hectic at times!

I need to write tonight (now this morning). I think it helps me deal with the struggles I go through with my “Groundhog’s Day” life. Same thing day in and day out. Same mornings, same evenings, same old thing.

Ah, the beautiful morning…la la la LA la la laaaaaa!

Ok let’s start with the morning. It’s 5:45am and my son decides for some crazy reason that he is”bored” in bed and wants needs to wake up. Who’s name gets screamed? “MOOOMMMYYYY!!!!!”.  Who has to go in to his room? RIGHT! The author of this post, me, Daddy! I’m not going to ask “why is that?” because it won’t do any good. It’s been that way for over 4 years. My wife just loves to sleep. I an early bird (and night owl), probably why my kids are so messed up with sleeping.

At least lately I’ve been having my son stay in bed until 6am despite his concerns that he thinks it is boring. GOOD! I want it to be boring. I am also having him color pictures which he loves to do, which makes him stay in his bedroom (I’m in here now typing this). And right now I’m thinking that after his pictures we’ll go downstairs and do ‘adult things’ like fold the laundry. He’s going to love that? Who cares! It’s a morning adult task — and those are what Mommy and Daddy do when we wake up in the morning. I will refuse to turn on the TV like I’ve done many times in the past. He just needs to learn to sleep in until 6:30am at least.  Without sleeping in my son gets tired in the afternoon, his “batteries” wear out and takes refuses to nap at home on the weekends. This has an ill effect on our evening and bedtime routine. He is sometimes a real bear to get to bed, going into a meltdown just after dinner. So parents beware, kids NEED to nap/rest on the weekends. Or at least have quiet alone time, time to recharge. Definitely makes the night time more fun for all. (because lately I have zero patience for meltdowns and whining).

Ok so that was my mornings…now let’s learn about my evenings.

Our kids both attend a great daycare school and he pick them up around 5:30pm and therefore get home around 6pm. Yeah, it’s not the most ideal situation, but we’ve gotta work and that’s just how it is. We’ve accepted it. So by 6pm, they are usually hungry, sometimes a little snack in the car helps with the hunger pangs.  Sometimes nothing helps and that hunger turns to them arguing. They BOTH want the attention of either Mommy or myself, whomever picked them up from school. Ok, that is natural for them to want to share their day with us. I love to hear it too! But not both at the same time. Recall, ages 4 and 2 1/2…so the battle between then ensues and my head is ready to explode.  Yesterday I had enough and just cranked the music up in the car — and I mean loud! It was the Cha Cha Slide song. They both love to listen to it and try to stomp their feet while strapped into the car seat. Of course the song only helped for so long. Soon after the next song came on, my son’s new favorite (Beautiful Girls buy Sean Kingston — don’t ask…he must like the beat…) things went bad, fast! My daughter started to sing along but didn’t get the words right…so that made my son go ballistic. I had to pull over and stop. That didn’t help. I had to get out of the car. That didn’t help. I then (honest to God) smacked his cheek very lightly to get him to stop. It did. He was being extremely disrespectful to me at that moment and it’s been a thing of his to yell at mommy and me when he’s upset. Anyway, I feel bad for doing that but I need a way for him to learn he cannot CONTROL us and I know that i need at way to not let his control me or my wife. Otherwise I’ll be crazy in 9 years when he’s a teenager!!

Ok, we’re home and I need a beer. Dinner was good and bathtime was good. Good!!! Earlier crisis forgotten.

Bedtime, yay!!

Noooo. Bedtime battle! I typically put my daughter to bed which was always an easy task until about 2 months ago. She’s starting to not want us to leave the room. Yeah, I know…that is common for 2 year olds and up. They start to realize we are not there in their room. But why does she cry??? Let’s investigate.

Does she seem afraid?

Heck no! My daughter says to me with a laugh, “Monster get my toes…better cover up!” So what do you think? Afraid? No way…just a stall tactic.  I won’t be fooled.

Is she screaming to get attention?

DEFINITELY!!! Even after a bath and fun times asking about her day and then 3 books, she still wants “One more book”.  If I hear that “One more time” I’m gonna freak out. Now wait….I’m not being a grumpy old Daddy. I’m being reasonable.  I’ve tried the “one more book” sob story many nights…and it turns into my reading her what equates to a whole shelf of books and lasting until 9pm.

So my thing is to enjoy about 30 minutes with her and then read three books, whichever books she wants. I try to read the last book in her bed, the others I read on the floor or chair. Then I let her pick a song for me to sing, like “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star”, “Baa Baa Black Sheep”, or “ABC’s“. Of course, last night I got half one through Baa Baa and she switched to ABCs. I just kept going with the flow and made a longer medley of songs. This is her way of keeping me in the room longer.

But after repeated warnings of “Daddy is going to bed now” I finally stand by the door as she’s crying out my name and slip out with a “Goodnight Sweetie, I’ll see you in the morning”. I then stand outside the door for a few minutes and soon the crying becomes wimpers and then nothing. I’ve peaked in after 10 minutes to sometimes find her sound asleep and other times she is still up reading books to her stuffed animals. I don’t mind if she is reading until 9pm. It’s good for her to learn to fall asleep on her own. My wife and I messed up with our older son, he still needs us to stay in his room. Things are getting better with that…some day things will be all good.

I found the below information on FamilyEducation.com:

Now, what about the screaming? Is she tired? Since she falls asleep in five minutes, it seems unlikely that her screaming is because she is not tired. To encourage a regular sleep pattern, try waking her at the same time each morning. At this age, one afternoon nap of no more than two hours should be sufficient.

If you stay in her room or extend her bedtime ritual, she interprets her screaming as successful. It would be better to leave the room and ignore her crying (though it may get worse before it gets better). (From Family Education web site)

Closing

I write my true feelings to share with others. If I did something bad I’ll mention it. Sure, I try to find humor in what I write, but this stuff is real. If you’re a new parent I want to give you my issues, my fun stories, and any ammunition you may need to battle similar situations that I’m facing. Good luck to all the Dads out there.

If you have similar situations let me know. I could also use some help from time to time and appreciate your comments and feedback.

How I Used 30 Minutes to Transition from Work to Home And How It Helped Me Be a Better Daddy

Posted by Jeff on January 21, 2009

How many of you are from families where both parents work?

How about just one parent that works?

Well in our family, both Mommy and I work, and we work hard during our 9 hour day away from the kids — they both go to school/daycare. Mommy has a little longer of a commute (30 mins from work to daycare) and therefore a little more “transition time” from work life to home life. Me on the other hand work minutes from our kid’s daycare — and I used to be the primary parent for evening pick up — giving me like 3 minutes to destress from a busy day at work to both kids so excited to see me. Sure it’s awesome to have them excited to see me…but I was always experiencing both of them trying to talk over one another, tell me about their day, and just trying to fight for my attention.

My attention? How could I pay attention to them with only 3 minutes of downtime from work? I try and I try and I never seem to be able to do that.

Well lately my wife, the saint that she is, has been picking up the kids and I’ve been heading home directly from work. I get home around 5:30pm and take care of the kitchen. Some nights it’s emptying the dishwasher, others it’s just cleaning up the bomb that went off from the morning!! Shit everywhere! And sometimes I might just do nothing — just to relax. I need to relax! I’m a high stress individual , not a good mix for a 4 and 2 year old right now. (I’ve written about that before…and probably write more on that subject again!)

Finding the time to relax and enjoy playtime

So…as I was typing. I’ve been heading home before the rest of the family. Take tonight for example. I left work at 5:10pm and stopped off at ACME (food store) to grab a few things for a salad (it was eat lite night) and return a RedBox movie rental (My Best Friend’s Girlfriend – or something like that). So by the time I got home it was 5:40pm. Not too bad — I had 30 minutes of transitioning from work to home (the drive is usually 15 minutes). I felt good when I got home!

What Worked

Having dinner almost ready when the rest of the family arrived home made all of us more relaxed. No more last minute running around the kitchen like a one man chef at a busy restaurant. No…it was rather peaceful. The whole night was peaceful.

I had the kid’s dinners ready, food on plate, milk in cups, napkins, forks and spoons for them. Then i prepped a simple salad of baby spinach, feta and sunflower seeds for my wife and I. Poured her a glass of Shiraz and I enjoyed 2 Heinekin Lights. (It was eat lite night).

I did not yell tonight! That might be the first night in like months I didn’t have to raise my voice! It was a great feeling. And I could tell that my son really liked that. He would say, “I Love you Daddy!”

So after dinner he and I went into his playroom and created a pretty kick-butt GEOTRAX train layout. He was so excited that I went in and ASKED him to play trains with me. I usually try to clean up and do house stuff so my wife and I don’t have to do that once the kids are asleep. We do need our own time as well. But she packed lunches and cleaned up while the kids and I played.

The Best Night Ever

Well at least tonight ranks up there in Top 5 nights for me. There was absolutely NO WHINING! That’s right. No Whining at our house! Or none that I remember, so that’s good. Took my son up to bed and read him 3 books. He kept saying he had fun with the trains and than he loved me. That sure makes me feel good and I do feel good about it! I made his night!! and he made mine!

Now I just have to remember to stay calm and continue this!